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“Brave enough to suck at something new.” is attributed to Jon Acuff. However, the quote reminded me of Carol Dweck’s research and books on failure and growth mindset. I modified it to read, Brave enough to fail at something new.
These concepts have been top of mind for me lately as I engage in graduate study of Genetic 🧬 Counseling. While I love to learn, the process of receiving clinical/medical feedback is intense. I receive regular, critical feedback on my performance. Each error pulls me deeper into a fixed mindset.
Fortunately, as things tend to do, an article in the new Junior League magazine, The League Life, provided some well timed reflections on growth mindset and failure.
From The League Life “Failure is Not a Dirty Word” by Jacquelyn Bauman
“So how do you flip the script when it feels like outside judgments are forcing you into a fixed mindset?
You need to start with your internal perceptions. The first thing to do is to grant yourself grace - you have failed, you are not a failure. When you feel those labeling and all-or-nothing cognitive distortions coming one, challenge those internal thoughts with evidence to the contrary. If you attempt to do something and do not achieve your goal, instead of thinking, “I am a failure,” prove that cognitive distortion wrong by remembering the times you DID achieve what you set out to do.
Look for takeaways from your current situation that you may be able to use in the future to achieve a different outcome. Use [Carol] Dwek’s concept of the “Power of Yet.” I did not achieve my goal, yet. I am not a leader, yet. By reframing accomplishment as an ever moving target as opposed to an attribute of character, we are able to achieve that growth mindset.” (Link to the full article)
Many of us are short on time and trying to eat more vegetables. Instead of Broccoli 🥦 and Rice 🍚 casserole, try this one pot easy recipe. If you already have rice, it takes about 30 mins to dinner.
Groceries to Buy
Cream of mushroom 🍄 soup - enough for 3 cups
3 cups of broccoli 🥦- 2 or three heads (Substitute cauliflower if you have it.)
1 Onion 🧅 chopped or diced
Mushrooms 🍄 (one 10 oz bag frozen)
Spinach - one small 5 oz container
Garlic 🧄
Meat substitute (I used Impossible sausage) - optional
Shredded cheese 🧀- 1 cups - optional
Instructions:
Cook one cup of rice in rice cooker or use riced cauliflower
Prepare soup in another pot or in the microwave
Sauté onions 🧅, garlic 🧄, mushrooms 🍄, and meat substitute (optional) in oil or butter
Add broccoli 🥦 and salt and pepper to taste
Add spinach to wilt
Add half the soup and then mix in rice 🍚
Add other half of the soup and then mix in more rice 🍚
Sprinkle with one cup of cheese 🧀 (optional)
Enjoy!!
When I first heard the term "body doubling," thoughts of cloning and similar science fiction came into my head. However, body doubling refers to completing a task alongside another person. Often these tasks are somewhat daunting. For example, as a reluctant runner, I've found that running with a friend or group is more appealing than on your own. However, as I read more about this concept and how it supports individuals with ADHD, I realized that this term is an excellent descriptor of my work.
As a home organizer and a body double, I provide support and individualized accountability as my clients approach the "DOOM" boxes or bags cluttering their homes. Although DOOM stands for Didn't Organize, Only Moved, the term recognizes the emotional weight and reluctance felt when approaching the task of going through these boxes and bags. Having support and positive feedback is helpful when decluttering a DOOM box. I remind clients of their prior successes and talk them through the DOOM bag to reduce guilt and feelings of shame.
Body doubling has provided many neurodivergent individuals with an accountability partner. As a home organizer specializing in services for those with ADHD/ADD, my services take body doubling even further. For example:
Virtual/online sessions start with a guided visualization that anchors/focuses clients in the present moment.
Provides anxiety and stress reduction
We discuss goals for Organizing, which helps clients to prioritize.
Goal setting addresses the executive function impairment of "activation" commonly experienced in ADHD.
As an organizer and body double, my presence sustains focus by reducing mental blocks and guiding clients to start and finish Organizing.
Sustaining focus is a typical executive function impairment experienced with ADHD.
My counseling skills will help clients to manage frustrations and process emotional responses.
Clients benefit from the memory of two people. I jog clients' memory of where they put something or remind them what they want to tidy/organize next.
Unlike a group body doubling session, I'm focused on clients' goals and offer individualized support so they can finish Organizing.
Rather than prescribed breaks, such as the 15-minute Pomodoro and 5-minute pause, breaks are suggested based on clients' energy levels.
My clients and I discuss items, and I serve as a sounding board so clients' don't impulsively let go of something.
Mental blocks will arise when organizing. I reduce those and anticipate distractions.
Most importantly, I want my clients to build a habit and learn new skills they can return to with or without me. Positive feedback is an essential aspect of any learning process. Virtual Organizing provides not just a body double but a motivational coach. I believe my clients can and will be tidy and help them identify the unique strengths that will keep them going.
Important Points:
Virtual Organizing/Tidying is a form of body doubling.
An expert decluttering partner (Master Level KonMari Organizer with M.S. in Clinical Psychology) provides individualized support.
The session is a "setting event" that will help those with ADHD take the task of organizing from start to finish.
Approach DOOM boxes/bags with support and recognition of emotional resistance and dread.
Reduce distractions with a focused zoom session
Augment your memory and help you to keep organizing
Virtual Organizing supports clients as they process emotional responses and manage frustrations.
References:
Ables, K. (2022, June 6). 'body doubling,' an ADHD productivity tool, is flourishing online. The Washington Post. Retrieved June 13, 2022, from https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/06/01/virtual-body-doubling-productivity-tiktok/
Jeret, A. (2022, March 10). Why people on Tiktok are calling out 'doom boxes' as a sign of ADHD. YourTango. Retrieved June 13, 2022, from https://www.yourtango.com/self/doom-boxes-adhd
Rohde, L. A., Buitelaar, J. K., Gerlach, M., & Faraone, S. V. (Eds.). (2019). The World Federation of ADHD Guide - Russellbarkley.org. Russell A. Barkley, Ph.D. Retrieved June 13, 2022, from http://russellbarkley.org/factsheets/TheWorldFederationOfAdhdGuide.pdf
Our things are not our emotions or memories. However, we often connect them. For example, items in our home cue memories and feelings and remind us of things we want to do. Learning to separate the two is an essential practice on your decluttering journey.
First, it's a practice and new habit to start noticing the memories and emotions connected to the items in our homes. Start by observing and perhaps write in your journal about your observations.
The next part of this practice/habit is recognizing that the memory and emotions are separate from the objects.
Finally, acknowledge that you can manifest what you need within yourself.
For example, if you notice difficulty when decluttering kids' old toys or clothes, note the difference between these objects and the beautiful moments you had with your loved ones. You aren't letting go of those lovely moments by letting go of these items. Instead, you are allowing another family to have similar moments with them. If you have a grandchild, trust that you will be able to borrow or buy similar items when it's time.
The true beauty of the experience is something you possess. It's your caring and the love you share with your loved ones. It's about spending time with them and sharing that love. This ability and experience are what you are keeping, and it's what you can manifest or bring about again.
Photo by Susan Holt Simpson on Unsplash
I was recently contacted by a journalist for the Reading Eagle for an article about organizing. Here’s a preview of her article, with some organizing tips:
If a person has a lot of clutter and feels overwhelmed, what are some ways to tackle the mess and get things under control?
Clutter is overwhelming. It increases the stress hormone cortisol so take comfort in knowing that there is a biological basis for how you feel. Start with an easy category, such as clothes. If there is a room, basement or guest room that has been taken over by clutter, you approach it category by category. Remember to take breaks and have a reward planned for after your are done. Perhaps schedule a relaxing salt session or massage at The Salt Lounge.
What are some different organization styles? How do you find the one that's right for you?
There are so many different styles, such as essentialism, minimalism, home editing. Schedule a free consultation with a home organizer to get a sense of her style and see if that approach is best for you. Many organizers offer a variety of options to support you, so you can find the help that suits you and your budget. Don’t spend more time reading about organizing than organizing. You don’t have to do it perfectly. Finding the right style for you is an experiment.
Let's talk about storage. What options/containers do you recommend?
Be careful when buying stuff for your stuff. It’s important to test out storage solutions first. Use cardboard boxes, repurpose those amazon boxes, ziploc bags, and shoe boxes to start. Once you know that the size and space is right, start looking for bins and boxes that are easy for you to use. A storage container might be lovely to look at but if you can’t unlatch it easily, you may be less likely to use it. Once you know what’s best for you and your space, check out etsy for unique options.
What are some examples of ways that items can be repurposed rather than tossed?
You can repurpose just about anything but only spend time on repurposing the things that you really want to see in other areas of your home. For example, you can reuse shoe boxes and gift boxes as diy hikidashi boxes. Consider the services that companies provide to help you recycle, for example, you can recycle used ink cartridges at staples and used underwear and socks at Knickey. Both companies will give you a reward for recycling with them.
** Organizing Specialist Caveat - The journalist asked me for room-based suggestions. In general, I don’t suggest organizing by room. It’s far more overwhelming and you’ll find that you are looking at the same category of things over and over. It’s best to proceed category by category. Then you’ll have all of the items in the same category in one spot and you can decide what to keep and where they should live. **
How should someone approach organizing the living room?
The living room is a space that is open and shared by everyone. You want it to be a reflection of your personality and a way of “self-expression”.
Organizing the living room can be overwhelming. It’s less overwhelming to gather similar categories of items together. Take a step back, breathe and look at the different items and ask key questions -
What am I doing in my living room?
What would I prefer to do in my living room?
What are the things that I would like to have that are a part of my ideal lifestyle?
Keep the items in the living room that are supporting you and your family’s activities so that things don’t pile up and get disorganized on a daily basis.
What are some strategies for organizing bedrooms?
Start by getting a sense of what you really want in your bedroom to support your optimal sleep hygiene.
If you are working from home, then preferably work any place other than your bedroom. You want your bedroom to be associated with sleep, rest, relaxation, a healthy work-life balance, and healthy habits.
If you are taking medications in the morning/night, make sure that these are accessible to easily so that you can remember taking them at the prescribed times of the day.
How about organizing methods for the kitchen?
Ask all the cooks in the home to be present to organize the space. One of my favorite questions to ask is “Pick out your go-to knife or spatula” Each cook has their favorite knife/spatula. Make sure you keep everyone’s favorite and let go of the items that no one is using. There are so many small utensils in the kitchen so start with your bigger items first and then move into the smaller ones. Most importantly, treat yourself to a nice dinner when you’re done. One of my favorite local spots is Tokyo Hibachi.
How to approach organizing bathrooms?
Bathroom spaces usually get the most cluttered/messy, especially the storage under the sink
Separate items by category (for e.g. cleaning supplies, hygiene care, etc.) and place them in either i) separate containers ii) separate storing areas (if you have the space).
What are some strategies for organizing a basement/garage?
Garages and basements can become unused and unloved space. Think about what you really need in your home. If you’d like to have another space for your kids to play or maybe you’d love to carve out a little meditation space just for you. Keep that goal in mind and start picturing it. Then gather similar items together so you have a better idea of the quantity that you need to keep. Store similar items together so it’s easy for you and your family members to find. Also, consider labeling boxes and bins.
I'm called back to my blog to share some fantastic news! I've reached the highest level of KonMari certification, Master! I'm so thankful for the clients who have invited me into their homes and supported my small business. I'm also grateful for the help and support I've received from friends and family.
I attended Marie Kondo's first US consultant training in 2016. As I decided to shift my careers, I continued to work full time. Progressing up the levels of certification takes time. Currently, I'm the first and only Master level KonMari consultant in Pennsylvania and the second in Maryland. 🎉
Thinking about changing your space and reducing clutter?
Not sure where to start?
Here are a few easy steps to help you get started.
1️⃣ Recognize the progress you’ve made. Contemplating change is difficult. Learning more about how to do it and who can help you is an important step. It may sound cheesy but for just a moment give yourself some recognition. You might pat yourself on the back, give yourself a round of applause, look in the mirror and say thank you, etc
2️⃣ Get in touch with how you feel about your space. Try leaving your house for a few moments, walk around the block, and come back in. Walk into your front door or take a moment to observe your response. What thoughts come to mind? How do you feel? What objects do you notice first? What do you feel drawn to do?
Take a moment to write down some of your observations or use your phone to record your thoughts.
3️⃣ Use the pro/con list below or create your own to understand how changing your space could impact you. Take a look at the observations you wrote down and/or listen to the recording of your thoughts. (Free Download)
If changing your space appears to be the next best step, you can use the button below to set up a free consultation. There is no obligation to schedule a session. I understand that it’s important to find the right fit for you. A free consultation will give you a sense of my working style and process.
I’m excited to share the first guest blog post on my home organizing website. The second KonMari method category is books 📚 . Just like with clothes, there is no right number of books 📚 . I love ❤️ applying the KonMari method to home organizing because it allows you to focus on how you feel about each item. If you love to read, decluttering your books can be challenging. I focus on keeping the books 📚 that I enjoy reading over and over, such as any Jane Austen novel. However, I thought it would be fun to ask a librarian and KonMari method enthusiast to share her tips. Lindsay Sakmann Rafer has an MLIS from the University of Pittsburgh. She's worked in both academic and public libraries and gives the best book suggestions.
It’s a pandemic and I am determined to declutter my home: what do I do with my books 📚 ?
Spring is in the air and with that, my urge to purge. As a librarian with experience in both academic and public libraries, I know the importance of keeping my collection relevant, which means I also understand the importance of proper culling of books 📚 .
When decluttering books and preparing for donation, consider the volunteers who work at the charitable organization. It takes time and resources for organizations to process book donations. Donating a large quantity of books 📚 that are out of date or unsuitable for donation takes away from time that organizations can use to generate resources for the particular charity.
Quick Check Before Donating:
Important to know before looking for organizations who will take donated books is to know what makes your books 📚 ineligible to any organization:
Mold: nothing spreads faster to kill a book collection than mold. Once one book has mold, others next to it will get it unless you identify and dispose of the moldy book right away.
Odor: if a book has a heavy odor or mystery stains, thank it 🙏🏽 and throw it away.
Sand: often books read at the beach bring the beach home in the form of sand, which goes everywhere and is impossible to clean. Thank it 🙏🏽 and throw it away.
Age: Printed information is dated. Policies for large, urban libraries, for instance, is to buy no book over five years old. Check the copyright date on the inside cover of your book, and if your book is over five years old and otherwise in good shape, recycling is your best option.
Trends: Even though information on how to knit may not change, styles do change. Most would not want to use a book with 1985 fashion patterns in 2021. Craft books are also susceptible to trends. Macramé was a popular trend in earlier years, and if it becomes popular, most readers would look for an up-to-date book on macramé. Everything comes back in style (hello scrunchies!), but there is no need to hold on to a craft book for 25 years.
Many factors exist to make it difficult to find an organization to take donated books. The Marie Kondo philosophy of a home filled with only the items you love has prompted a rethinking of how much stuff we need. The digital age causes us to rely more on digital works than physical paper. Organizations have limited space to house relevant materials and operate with limited budgets and a downsized staff. The pandemic exacerbates the situation with those homes more than usual taking time to organize, downsize, and declutter. Many libraries adjusting to pandemic protocols stopped taking book donations altogether.
If you believe you have books that contain relevant material, check with the organization before dropping anything off. The following are organizations that may accept donated books:
Programs that accept donations by mail:
The Women’s Prison Book Project: This program is specifically for women and transgender individuals in prison. Founded in 1994 near Minneapolis, MN, the WPBP is looking specifically for books on crochet and other nonfiction books.
Better World Books: BWB is a wonderful resource for libraries to send their used library books. You can mail your donations to BWB or you can search for one of their drop boxes.
Programs that require in-person drop-off or a scheduled pick up:
Opportunity House: Opportunity House is a charity based in Reading, Pa for the homeless. They run a retail shop called the “ Opp Shop,” with proceeds supporting Opportunity House. They will accept book donations in their donation bins or at their drop-off facility.
Starr Books: Starr Books/ Gently Used Books is a used bookstore in Douglassville, PA. They accept donations of books for store credit. Once you have donated your books you can use your credit to shop in their store. If they do not take your books for credit they will donate or recycle them. They have a fantastic selection! If you are donating a large number of books, please contact them to arrange a drop-off.
Greendrop: a service that offers scheduled pickups of items for donation. Proceeds go to various charities in the Philadelphia Area such as The American Red Cross.
Vietnam Veterans of American: A nonprofit dedicated to helping not only Veterans of the Vietnam War but all veterans. Pick-ups can be scheduled by visiting their website.
By Lindsay Sakmann Rafer, MLIS
If decluttering books 📚 leaves you feeling overwhelmed, a virtual organization session or home organization session will help. Please contact 📧 Yuriko, certified home organizer in Maryland and Pennsylvania, if you feel stuck. Anyone, including people who feel chronically disorganized, can live in a tidy and organized space. Organize by category and reach out if you need support.
I’m so excited to have been interviewed by Berks County Living Magazine.
“Are you looking for a way to spark more joy and clear out some clutter in at home? A perfect way to start off a new year is by making a new start. Organizing and decluttering the space around you is a great place to begin. Many of us are familiar with the professional organizer Marie Kondo, whose Konmari method of tidying up is practical, effective and mindful. While she cannot personally come to each of our homes to help us, Berks County does have a certified Gold Level Konmari consultant who can. Owner Yuriko Beaman, of joyandspace.com, has an extensive background in psychology, yoga and Konmari, all of which have intertwined beautifully to turn her enthusiasm of organizing and helping others into the thriving business she runs today. Keep reading to learn more about her services…”
You can check out the full article at https://berkscountyliving.com/around-town/get-organized-and-spark-joy/
Joy & Space, LLC
Yuriko@JoyAndSpace.com
484-352-2844 in Pennsylvania
301-613-8983 in Maryland
